The
Life Aware
The Biz Khat boy looked at Denarban,
shock and disappointment written broadly over his being. “How can
you say that?”
“Easily, I never asked to be your
messiah.”
The earnest young man's face fell
further if that was possible. “But you have the answers.”
“I beg to disagree. I have the
questions, you must find the answers.”
“See? Dude, you have the wisdom, we
need you to lead us.”
Denarban got up, his hooves clicking
against the tiled floor. “And that is exactly why I cannot. You
have mistaken me for a leader. I am one of the seekers, like
yourself.”
“But...you know so much you can
teach us the things we need to ask about ourselves.”
Denarban paced in front of the young
man. “You have the questions, but you don't like them. They make
you uncomfortable. You want different questions, ones that are easy
to answer and the answers supplied to finish them off nicely with a
bow. Fact is you even know the answers to your questions, and that
scares you.” The young man's face became more distraught with each
word Denarban said. “I don't deal in comfortable falsehoods. Find
a different messiah. I am rejecting the position.”
The young man fled. Illta looked at the subject of her
interrupted interview. “Weren't you a little rough on the kid?"
“Rough enough I hope.” Denarban
closed the door behind the feeling figure.
“You are not worried that this will
destroy your popularity?”
“No.”
“So you figure that you will remain
popular no matter how you treat the fans?”
"It's the existence of popularity
I have no concern about. Popular, not popular. Those that like the
music will come. I don't guarantee a good time.”
“So I can expect a bad time? Why
come?”
“You can expect a time. Good or bad
will depend on the issues you bring in with you, how involved you
become, and how that affects you vis-a-vi the issues you have.”
“So, you don't really care?”
“If I didn't care, I wouldn't be
singing what I sing. I would sing nice comfortable boy loves girl,
or I would not sing at all.”
“So what are you after here?”
“I want to open your mind to
questions. Questions about yourself, your place in the world, what
are you doing with your life? Why are you doing it?”
“And what answers are you after,
what agenda or cause do you have?”
“Doesn't matter. You are not
answering to me. You are answering to yourself. The only person you
are responsible to in the end.”
“So, you don't promote any causes?”
“The questions themselves are the
cause. The Life Aware. It doesn't matter if that life is lived as I
would see fit. Indeed what I would see fit would shock most Biz
Khat. Our cultures are very different, but the questions of life
remain the same. The answers are personal, ungeneral, and do not fit
across the board. But, until you ask the question, you cannot find
an answer.”
“What if people don't want your
questions?”
Denarban cocked his head a little
sideways. “Don't get a ticket.”
“So you believe that the purchase of
a ticket is tact admission that they are there to be questioned?”
“Isn't that always the case? You
get the ticket, you sit in the seat you face the stage, you are there
for what the perfumer brings. Not what you might want but what the
performer brings. Not everyone likes everything they see and hear.”
“Isn't the stage a point of
leadership?”
“It is a point of control, a pulpit. However, only for the duration
you will it to be. I don't expect
that an audience will be passive. If you don't like it, you are free
to leave.”
“I've heard your concerts can get
rowdy.”
“Excitable, we have yet to have a
riot.”
“Things happen.”
“Things happen anytime you get a
large number of people together. Let's see, two births, Mammal live
birthing you understand. Five people have died of natural causes,
and at least a dozen medical emergencies that did not result in
death. I'm told I run about average for the crowd size.”
“Why so many fewer births?”
“Well most mammal females are aware
of their bodies and that sort of event doesn't spring itself on you.
They tend to stay away from large public venues when they sense that
birth is eminent. So fewer births. It's not a medical emergency.”
“Mammal biology is interesting to
say the least.”
“Biology is what keeps people
going.”
“But not you.”
“I happen to be very fond of
biology.”
“But you don't need it. Not like we
do.”
Denarban stopped a moment. “I
wouldn't say that. I need biology because that is what my friends
are made of. My Mother and Father are both biological. Without
them, I would not exist to ask questions. I am as dependent on
biology as you are.”
“But, you are a self admitted
artificial life form, no sex was required.”
Denarban laughed. “I have no doubt
it was involved quite willingly. No the method for initializing an
RI is mental, but physical contact never hurt the process. I know
they had sex during. They where still coupled when I woke up.”
Illta cringed a little. “That's too
much information.”
“You did ask.”
“Most people wouldn't answer that
far.”
“I'm an Ane, you did ask.”
“You don't look like an Ane.”
“I do actually, when the mood
strikes. The Ane me is backstage right now chilling out. Not really
home.”
“What is life without hands like?”
Denarban opened his mouth but nothing
came out, he sat down and pondered. A smile spread over his face. "A
new question, I like that. I find I don't have words to
express it that would give the gestalt of the experience. Let me try
a question of my own. What is life without hair like?”
“I don't lack hair, I just don't
have any.”
"Exactly. Ane don't lack
hands, they just don't have any.”
“But you do have hands.”
“Yes, I reasoned that humanoids
would react better to a humanoid, even a strangely different one,
that could sing words they could understand.”
“And you don't miss them when you
don't have them?”
“No, I enjoy them when I do have
them. Leaning to use hands was the most difficult part of the whole
process. My head is not wired to have hands, it's something I have
to work for.”
“You had to learn?”
“Everyone has to learn. You didn't
hatch with a holo camera in your hands. Able to speak or walk. You
had to learn these things. Because your mind and body were young and
growing they came easily. I grew up in an Ane bio. If I look at my
icon, that is what I see, this body is a reflection I choose. Leaning
to use the biological tools of another shape of people was
like learning any complex physical skill as an adult. I had to go
through the same process that a child born without arms and fitted
with them late in life would have to go through. Leaning to walk, to
talk,, the simple task of grasping. None of this was wired into my
brain, I had to rewire my brain to accept them. Being a computer, I
can do that.”
“How long did it take?”
“Three weeks. To get adequate
control of the bio. Another several months to learn to sing and
dance with it.”
“That is stunningly fast.”
“By normal standards yes. To me it
felt like forever.”
“How do you answer those that call
you an unnatural abomination.”
Denarban cocked an eyebrow. “Go to
hell. I believe is sufficient. Let me ask of them a few questions. Do
they take advantage of the unnatural technology that birthed me? Have
they used more than sticks and rocks today? So it's perfectly
natural to sit in your computer controlled climate box, reading off
the computer display, drinking your replicator created, again
computer controlled, drink and decry the existence of a sentient
computers as “unnatural”. Smacks more than a little of racism to
me. Keep the computers down, slaves where they belong. Unnatural is
tossed about far too easily. If I and those like me were unnatural we
could not exist.”
“Do you believe that all computers
have rights?”
“No more than I believe all life
forms should be judged equally. Judging by your odor you used a
rather common skin cleaner today, doubtless you killed millions of
life forms in the process. That would have been the point even. I'm
not calling you a mass murderer. I have about the same felling for a
jar full of isoliner rods, less even as the rods have no spark of
life at all. Not all computers are alive. However the ones that are
should be treated as we would treat any sentient creature.”
“Some claim that you are just a
simulation of life.”
“And I reply, how good does the
simulation have to be before it's not a simulation. I and those like
me were not made to be simulations. I know how to do that, I'm a
computer life form. I am not a simulation, that's different. Old
argument, long answered, but it keeps popping up like it's never been
addressed. Forgive me If I refuse to educate those that have failed
their own education.”
“You said you were here to ask
questions. Doesn't that imply education?”
“If every teacher had to first
address the question that books cannot accurately convey information
before lessons began, how much education would there be? The
computer sentience question is as meaningful. Questions yes, but
questions that are meaningful. Not all questions are created equally
either.”
“There are no stupid questions.”
“I beg to disagree. Context matters
greatly. Asking me the same question, that you already have the
answer to in hopes of getting a different answer or even worse,
trying to keep the question alive to call doubt on something else. That
is foolish, even stupid, worse it can be cruel and evil.”
“You have been shot at.”
“I have been shot actually. I had a
bio destroyed during a concert three years ago.”
“Forgive my curiosity in this, but
how does that feel?”
“It hurts, it hurts a lot. The way
bios are designed the nerve endings work perfectly, and the brain
does not shut down like it would if you where shot. This is not the
sum total of me. So it hurts more and hurts longer.”
“What did you do?”
“I pulled back from the damaged unit
and shot back, the drum set had a stunner in it. The disturbed
person was tried and convicted of attempted murder. And once again
that hoary, old, undead question of am I really alive had to be put
down yet again.”
“Do you still have a stunner in the
drumset?”
“There is security, I'm not going to
divulge where.”
“If it can't kill you, why do you
care?”
“One, I didn't say they couldn't
kill me. It just isn't that easy. I also care because it hurts. I
have the same aversion to pain anyone else does. It destroys my
property. Replacing a bio is not something I can do at the replimat.
Only a few places in the Federation have the tools to do it. Last,
a crazy fool waving a weapon about could well hurt someone less able
to absorb the damage.”
Back to the drumset. I am sure our
viewers would love to know how you manage to play the entire band.”
“Bandwidth, if you'll forgive that. I have a pico second clock
speed. RIs work on two levels. One; the
level at which I interact with people. Vastly important. If I
didn't have that ability I would be handicapped indeed. The second
level is the computer functions. One thing we can do that wetware
cannot is examine our functioning in high detail. It is necessary
for many things we do, like controlling starship drives, but not
necessary for say, keeping my heart beating. As a result I have
brain cycles to spare. I can play the drums, and the other
instruments, and still have enough CPU cycles to dance like a fool.”
“Does it take a great deal of
concentration? Many people dismiss it as 'playing a recording'.”
“It does take a great deal of
concentration. I have the ability to concentrate to that degree. As
to the playing a recording thing, no more than any musician well
rehearsed plays a recording. My advantage is once a thing is
learned, it is learned. But the real recordings of my concerts will
prove it's never the same twice. The audience is as much part of the
performance as they are watchers."
"Speaking of recordings. You
never do. All the recording out there were made at your concerts by
concert goers. Something you make no effort to stop."
"Why should I? I don't record
because a dry rendition of the music is not what I am about. Without
the audience, it is just another song. I am like Fuzzy in this
regard. Live performance is all I ever will care about, and I cannot
lose revenue I never intended to to make. So my fans spread the
music. That brings more people to the concerts, I get my questions
across to a larger audience. Win win as the business people like to
say."
"You don't care about the money
at all?"
"Truly. Ane are just not wired
that way. I have an accountant that keeps track of income and outgo,
but I never bother to ask."
"I find it difficult to believe
you don't care."
"I can't help that. It just is
not part of who we are."
"Switching subject here. Tell me
about the Shik'ar incident?"
"They asked me not to."
"But will you?"
"They asked nicely."
"But they don't want you back on
Vulcan."
"That wasn't said actually. They
are 'considering the ramifications of my performance' to quote."
"So what does that mean exactly?"
"I shook up their comfortable
gestalt. They wish to discuss it."
"I understand there there was a
disturbance in the street after your performance."
"I was asked, nicely, not to talk
about it."
"It is a matter of public
record."
"I will let the public record
speak for itself."
"You don't have anything to say
on the matter? People would like to hear your side."
"I held a concert, I did what I
usually do. I really didn't have any input into what happened after
that. The Vulcans realize that a being is responsible for their own
actions. I am not held responsible for actions taken outside the
hall."
"There was violence."
"No one was hurt."
"Violence, on Vulcan?"
"Okay, I will set the public
record straight, since there seem to be some confusion as to what did
and didn't happen, as per the public record. There was a 'heated
public discourse' outside the concert venue after the performance. It
was sufficiently large and loud enough that the public
peacekeepers were called. No blows were exchanged, there wasn't even
any pushing. Off world reports have called it 'as close to a riot as
Vulcan gets'. Too many people have latched onto the word 'riot' and
blown the incident out of proportion."
"They were upset by a loud
argument in the street?"
"For Vulcan, a most disturbing
incident, but nothing close to the violence that is suggested in some
reports."
"What about the ban?"
"I have not been banned."
"But reports stated..."
"I was asked, nicely, not to talk
about it."
"You make a point of that."
"Some Vulcans understand the Ane
point of view."
"Both are telepaths, I think you
would understand each other well."
"You might think so. It's not
the case. Vulcans and Ane, while we both have telepathy it is used
in very different ways and have contrasting societies. It is
like saying that Humans and Biz Khat are the same because they are
both bipeds."
"The physical differences are
greater than the similarities."
"Yes, so it is with Vulcans and
Ane, or Ane and Betaziods, or Ane and Mekot, Melkot and Vulcans, and
so forth. While we have a similar mental function, the function it
serves in our society is vastly different. Example; earlier you said
my mentioning my parent's sex life was too much information. That is
Ane, no sense of privacy. Vulcans are famous for their sense of
privacy. It is the major point of friction between Vulcans and Ane.
Major, not the only one. We have to step carefully around each
other's preferences. We can do it, but both Vulcans and Ane have to
bend to meet each other. We lean heavily on our similarities."
"That is the way the Federation
works."
"It is indeed. A good principle. Sometimes a difficult one to hang
onto when the people are really
different from what you expect."
"Isn't that when we need to hang
onto it the most?"
"So have said wiser heads than my
own."
"Do you question that?"
"To the degree I question
everything. I happen to agree with it."
"Let me ask the big one. "Why?"
"Why what? What matters as much as why."
"Why do you do this, why do you
care whether people get asked questions?"
"Because I care about what makes
us sentient. There isn't a scientific formula for it. You cannot
mix X and Y and get a people, not every time. Yet bioforms do this
consistently, every time, but not all bio forms. Koo and Acceptians
are not born sentient. They must grow into it. I could set up
identical hardware to myself and run math simulations for 500 years,
it would not wake up. Yet here we sit two sentient beings of vastly
different backgrounds, communicating. Why indeed. I sought
the answer in several sciences. Biology, philosophy, even computer
design seeking the root of my own existence. I didn't find the
answer there, because there isn't an answer, like I said."
"So you are out here asking the
questions to find the answers yourself?"
"Yes. I said I was one of the
seekers. I meant exactly that. I don't have nice cozy answers
hidden in my luggage. For me at least, asking the questions is part
of my answer."
"Validation of self through the
validation of others?"
"Not how I think you mean it. I
don't need others to validate me any more than they need me to
validate them. However we can help each other find self validation."
"What degrees do you have?"
"Life sciences, computer
engineering, philosophy and music."
"Which is the most important?"
"Music. Without the music I
would not be able to communicate as effectively."
"Does one need a PhD in music
theory to be a performer?"
"No, but it is the path I chose. I've been accused of my music
being 'too smooth, too polished'."
"Do you believe this?"
"The same critics have accused
Heather Wine of being crude. She has a PhD in music as well, but
it's less well known. "
"Do you like her music?"
"Yes I do. I would love to hear
a live performance."
"Yet her music is so different
from your own."
"Less so than you might realize. There are differences in style and
arrangement, but our themes, both
melodic and lyrical have a deep similarities."
"Does it take a degree to see
that?"
"No, just a discerning ear."
"What about Fuzzy?"
"Mozart's 40th symphony has a
section that is so close to being scatological it is amusing."
Illta blinked. "What?"
"What Fuzzy usually sings is not
pure music as most people not familiar with them assume, Ane have a
spoken language. That is the native pieces. Since we are telepaths,
our spoken word is an art form. That is what they usually sing. However
our vocal apparatus is good for other people's instrumental
music as well. Sometimes things pop up in music that are amusing.
Things that obviously the composer never intended to be there. That
makes them more amusing."
"So what about Mozart's 40th
symphony?"
"You said my parents was too much
information. That would be much more information."
"Oh, well...."
"The curious can look it up on
the Fuzzy Datanet."
"I will leave them to do so. You
opened for Fuzzy for five years."
"Everyone needs to start
someplace. Fuzzy did me a favor."
"Yet they said they hated to see
you go."
"It was a good relationship. Moving on was not comfortable, but
needed to be done."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because it is true. One never
matures if they stay and home and remain a child. I needed to mature
as a performer and headline my own concerts. It also better suits
what I am out here doing. My work with Fuzzy was fun and an learning
experience in the art of the concert."
"You have Noro opening for you
today, a local band."
"Yes. They are doing something
different and I like it. It might be popular music, but is is
popular music with a twist. It pleases me to give them a platform."
"Do you commonly promote obscure
local bands?"
"Yes. I don't travel with an
opening act. I don't have a ship like Fuzzy does. They are less a
band than a traveling carnival and symposium. I said it was fun."
"Do you plan to follow the
model?"
"I've considered it. The problem
with being an interstellar performing artist is you have a load of
stuff you have to haul from gig to gig, and you can be weeks between
sets of gigs. I spend way too much time on star liners. Having a
rocking roving party is fun and interesting. It's a good model and
worth following. I just need a ship. The first requirement is
always the big one. I just have to convinced the All that my
questions are worth the gelt."
"You indicated that Ane
don't care about money."
"We don't really have a
possessive bump on our brains. It is part of that not having hands
thing. You don't get attached to objects when you can't pick them
up. So economy is a difficult lesson. It's is one we have had to
learn in a galaxy filled with people that have economy come naturally
to them, but it is not an easy lesson. The up side of this is we
hold what you would call the national treasury in common. Anyone can
access it. If I can convince my fellows that I need a ship, I get a
ship."
"So you could walk into the
starship yards and pay for a ship out of pocket?"
"As could any member of the All."
"And you don't really care?"
"About the money? Not really. It's a slippery subject across my
brain. I pay attention when I talk
to Gartar my accountant. But it isn't a priority otherwise."
"Gartar...a Tellerite?"
"Yes, I understand I don't have a
head for money, and understanding that I hire someone that does
understand money to manage the money. I have to deal with economy if
I'm going to be a performer."
"Is Gartar one of the reasons you
want a ship?"
"One of them. I don't travel
with a bag and myself. I have a team of twenty people I travel with.
Most of them are into stuff. Getting ready for a move is a major
operation as is setting down on a new planet. It would be nice for
Gartar to have an office he didn't have to rent. The man is busy. He is
Tirilan's shadow."
"Tirilan?"
"She handles bookings and
itinerary. Stenn of T'zal is logistics. Everyone has a job. Those
three work hand in hoof to keep the show moving. Without them I
would not get to stand on stage. There is a lot going on behind the
scenes the public never sees to make those three hours on stage
happen. It's the same for any show. Harder for us because every
three months or so we uproot the whole operation and ship to a new
planet."
"A ship would make that easier?"
"Yes, I saw how Fuzzy worked. The base of the ship was invaluable.
No hotels, no shifting
everyone's luggage every time. Having your own transporters is a
wonderful convenience. I have twenty people. It's a pain, everyone
juggles multiple jobs. Fuzzy travels with two to three hundred
people plus ship crew. They have several acts, no one is over
worked and it's fun. Having a larger population of Ane is wonderful. It
is more comfortable, mentally and physically. I think you just
talked me into it. I'm getting that ship."
"I did?"
"Finished talking myself into it. Someone else asking the question
is a clarifying moment."
"So is that why you ask
questions?"
"In part. I want the questions
asked back to help clarify the answer to myself."
"So, when you get the answer, do
you quit?"
Denarban smiled. Ah, that is the
question, but see Ane want your answer as well, so I keep asking to
get your answer so we can remember it."
The knock was sudden. "Five
minutes." Said the voice outside.
Denarban stood up. "I'm afraid
that ends it. I need to get the concert moving."
Illta gathered her gear. "Thank
you." She opened the door on the last cords of Noro as the
unseen audience broke into stomping and whistling, the Biz Khat
version of applause. Denarban moved into the darkened wings of the
stage to join his crew. One of the stage hands turned to Illta.
"Watching from back here?."
She weaved her head. "If I can."
"Sure." replied the stage
hand. "Over there would be out of the way and give you a good
view."
Noro finished clearing the stage,
clearly pumped from their set. The MC bounded on the stage amid the
stomping and long whistling. Illta could hear the address system.
"Falgen Hall is pleased to
present...Den-ar-ban!"
The stomping drowned out everything
else as Denarban and his back up singers and dancers moved to take the
stage. Illta settled down to observe and get some candid shots. If
nothing else this would be interesting.
The Life Aware -- Garry Stahl,
December 2009
Some time back Jay sent me a song
as he sometimes does. In the this case The Killers: Human. The song grabbed me and I
could see it as the question asked by an
RI person, Denarban jumped into my head as the RI that is asking the
question. The above came along. It was a
matter of finding an ending point to a plotless character pieces. A fairly long one.
Denarban,
Fuzzy.
Bizz
Kaht is the third from the left.
Subscript 2011 --
Somehow this little thing keeps getting passed over when I'm working on
the webpage. No more. I'll get it posted at last.
Human
I did my best to notice
When the call
came down the line
Up to the platform of surrender
I was
brought but I was kind
And sometimes I get nervous
When I see
an open door
Close your eyes
Clear your heart...
Cut the
cord
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My
hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are
we human?
Or are we dancer?
Pay my respects to grace and
virtue
Send my condolences to good
Give my regards to soul and
romance,
They always did the best they could
And so long to
devotion
You taught me everything I know
Wave goodbye
Wish
me well..
You've gotta let me go
Are we human?
Or are we
dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my
knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we
dancer?
Will your system be alright
When you dream of home
tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is
your heart still beating
Are we human?
Or are we dancer?
My
sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking
for the answer
You've gotta let me know
Are we
human?
Or are we dancer?
My sign is vital
My hands are
cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we
human
Or are we dancer?
Are we human?
Or are we
dancer?
Are we human
Or are we dancer?
__,_._,___